What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 10:38
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
But, we were locked up after school.
How much of lounge pianists playing is from repertoire, and how much is improvised?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She wouldn,t have been !
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why were the Japanese soldiers in WW II so hesitant to surrender in battle?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Is it possible for the AfD to ever win the chancellorship in Germany?
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why is my ex trying to provoke an argument with me?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She loved him until the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
How often do prisoners try to escape from jail/prison, and how many of them succeed?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I waited trembling.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Where and how did ballet originate?
What did i know ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why do I smell bad even though I have good hygiene?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was in good health!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Would this be the day?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is soul school!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He knew the spot.
She married twice! .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So whats the point in blame.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Comes on , in middle age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot live in the past .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
All the time i was locked up.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But it wasn’t much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i lived it daily.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was very sick at this time too.
Im still living with it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
My life is so biszare .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I said to her
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It was going to be , some day.
When she asked me how she looked .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was 9 years of age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I don,t even have a pension.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We all went to grammer schools
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I couldn’t, believe it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
I was seconnd youngest,
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I have no regrets .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My family never makes their pension either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I will be 64.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!